Funny Try Not to Laugh Impossible Challenge
A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"
The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"
My therapist told me that I find it impossible to vocalize my emotions.
Can't say that I'm surprised.
Little Tommy gets asked to stay after class...
so little boy tommy isnt very good at math so his teacher kindly asks him to stay after class so she can help him.He agrees and listens to the teacher as she gives an example.She starts off by saying that if there are 10 birds on a telephone pole and you shoot one off, how many are left? he quickly answers "none". she says "no tommy, there would be 9". he then looks at her and says "thats impossible, obviously if you shoot one off, they would all fly away". she tells him that she likes the way he thinks. he follows up by saying "can i ask you a question miss, if there are 3 ladies holding a lollipop, 1 sucking it, 1 licking it, and 1 biting it...which one is married? the teacher quickly replies with "the one sucking it". he looks at her and says "no, the one with the ring on her finger, **but** i like the way you think
Nescafe and the Pope
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."
"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."
The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."
And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"
"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."
Ducks
Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven. There Saint Peter says, 'We only have one rule - don't step on the ducks!' They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. In fact, it's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidently steps on one straight away. Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman steps on a duck and she too is chained to an incredibly ugly man. The third woman is very, very careful with the ducks and manages to avoid stepping on any of them. One day Saint Peter comes along and chains her to an incredibly handsome man. The woman is delighted but wonders why she's been blessed. She gets on her knees and prays aloud, 'Oh Lord, what have I done to deserve this bounty?' The man says, 'I don't know about you, lady, but I trod on a duck.'
Whose point is it anyway?
A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby."
The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a rifle, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly appeared and charged at the man - he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear, and killed it."
The man said, "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear."
The doctor said, "My point exactly!"
A man feels sick, so he goes to his doctor...
...and has some tests run. He is told to come back a few days later. A few days pass and he returns. When the male doctor invites him into the back room, the man says, "Give it to me straight, doctor." The doctor replies, "Why, that would be impossible, we're both men!" The man cracks a smile. The doctor then states, "Besides, I don't want to catch HIV."
I think winning the war on drugs is impossible.
I struggle just to tie my shoelaces on drugs.
"I bet you 20 bucks I can bite my eye."
An old man is sitting quietly at a bar drinking whisky. After an hour of steady drinking, he leans over and says to the young man next to him, "I bet you 20 bucks I can bite my eye."
Obviously this is impossible, and seeing an opportunity to take an easy 20 off a drunk, the young man says, "Okay. You're on."
The old man, whips his artificial eye out and bites it.
The young man sighs at being so easily fooled and hands over $20.
The old man finishes another drink and then leans over again and say, "I bet you 100 bucks I can bite the other eye."
Now the young man knows the man can see him and doesn't have two artificial eyes. So again he says. "You're on."
The old man then whips off his dentures and bites the other eye.
I told my wife I lost 10 lbs in one hour
"No way. That's impossible!" she said.
"Trust me," I said, "I have no idea where our baby is."
A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...
...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.
You can explore impossible unbelievable reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean impossible unable dad jokes. There are also impossible puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Bounty Towels have declined making a Donald Trump Towel
The company explained that it was impossible to make the towel because Donald Trump was already too self-absorbed.
TIL it is impossible to look at your nose while sticking out your tongue
without looking ridiculous.
Why is it impossible to electrocute a barista?
Coffee grounds.
My wife accused me of ruining her birthday, but that's impossible
I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Lord of the Bow
So I was telling my friend about my prowess with a bow and arrow yesterday. I said "my best round ever didn't start so well, I only scored 1 point with each of my first two arrows. Got better after that, scored 2 with the next, then 3, then 5. On my 12th and final arrow I managed to score 144."
She was quick to point out that this was impossible, so I had to confess it was a fibbin' archery sequence.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity right now.
It's impossible to put down.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I said that was impossible..
Because that would require 2 women to find me attractive.
My wife's pregnant
90yr man: My 18yr wife is pregnant,your opinion doc?
Dr: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrela instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, and sees a lion, lifts the umbrela, pulls the handle and BANG, The lion drops dead!
Old man: That's is impossible, sumone else must have shot the lion!
Dr: EXACTLY!!
It's impossible to please women.
Even at your wedding, you are not the best man
It's impossible to make a joke about Socialism.
Because its not funny unless EVERYBODY gets it.
Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up
However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.
They're great at separating independent Clauses.
Stalin loses his pipe...
...he tells the KGB chairman to find Stalin's pipe.
Three days later, Stalin finds his pipe under a sofa. He calls the chairman to tell him that he can call off the search.
Upon telling him the news, the chairman said: "But that's impossible! Three people have already confessed to stealing the pipe!"
Why are there ornamental cannons on the state house lawns?
They are a monument to the state employees. They don't work and are impossible to fire.
A brunette and the Doctor....
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
The England football team went to visit an orphanage in Russia this morning.
"It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible" said Anatoly, aged 6.
A genetic botanist doesn't show up to the church picnic.
Her concerned husband finds her in her lab working feverishly on a new pesticide resistant strain of maize.
"Aren't you coming to the congregation picnic?". He asks.
"Screw them and their impossible deadlines! They told me I have until today to get the corn bred!"
Top 10 most important sciences
10. It is
9. impossible
8. to rank
7. the importance
6. of science
5. because
4. all of them
3. are equally
2. important.
1. Physics
My wife said it was "crazy and impossible" when I told her I wanted to make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!
Why is it impossible to sneak up on Santa?
He can always feel your presents.
It's almost impossible to explain puns to kleptomaniacs.
Since they always take things literally.
Two men walk up to a hole
One says to the other, "I wonder how deep this hole is" then picks up an anvil near them and throws it down the hole.
After about 20 seconds, the men hear a goat running behind them and it jumps in the hole. "Woah!" they both thought.
Then, a farmer walks up to them and asks them if they saw his goat. The first man says that it just jumped in the hole. Then the farmer said "Impossible! I tied him to my anvil!"
Old Russian joke. Russia has 2 major problems: roads and idiots. One of them can be solved by a road roller...
But it's impossible to figure out what to do with roads.
God gave a wish to a man
God gave a wish to a man.
The man asked, " I want the whole world to be connected by a road".
"Sorry son, it's technically impossible to engineer such a road. Ask something else" , he replied.
"Well then, I want Trump to think before he speaks something", he asked.
"You want that road 8 lanes wide or 10 lanes?
Let's discuss details", god replied.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
I can cut a piece of wood in two pieces just by looking at it.
It may seem impossible, but I saw it with my own two eyes
Book Jokes.
I read a thriller in Braille.
You can really feel the suspense.
I'm reading a book about Anti-Gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
I read a book about submarine construction.
It's riveting.
I'm reading a book about adhesives.
It has me glued to my seat .
I read a book on suicide.
It had me on the edge of my building.
Feel free to insert more. :)
Doctor: it looks like you're pregnant
Patient: but that's impossible, I'm a virgin!
Doctor: I know, it just looks like you are.
I knocked on my father's door in the middle of the night, begging him to let me in. I said, "Please let me stay here dad, I'm a wanted man."
He said, "That's impossible son. You weren't even a wanted child."
Scientists claim its impossible to fold a piece of paper 8 times.
They have obviously never seen me wiping my ass when there is only one sheet of toilet paper left.
Yesterday, I've started reading a book about immortal dog
It was impossible to put down
I was reading an amazing book about an immortal dog last night.
It was impossible to put down.
Therapist: So what brings the two of you here today?
My wife: It's impossible to live with him. He's too literal.
Me: My truck.
Just read a book about an immortal dog.
It was impossible to put down.
A lumberjack says to another
You know I can cut a log just by looking at it.
The other lumberjack says that's not possible .
The lumberjack says It may seem impossible but I saw it with my own two eyes.
Why is it almost impossible to solve a murder in Alabama?
Because they all have the same DNA.
For my 3rd wish, I wish for infinite wishes
"Wish granted," says the Genie.
"Really? I thought it was impossible. I wish for infinite riches now." responds the man.
The man waits for a few minutes as nothing happens.
"I thought you said you granted my wish for infinite wishes!"
The Genie smirks and responds "I said I would only GRANT three wishes. You have infinite wishes as you wanted now, except I just won't grant them. You should have looked at the dictionary definition for wish first."
Stalin loses his favorite pipe
Couple of days later, Beria calls Stalin.
"Have you found your pipe?" asks Beria.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I found it this morning under the sofa," says Stalin.
"This is impossible," says Beria, "three people have already confessed."
A teacher was teaching her class about whales.
She said that it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human being as even though it was a gigantic animal, its stomach was very small. A little girl put up her hand and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher insisted that a whale couldn't possibly swallow a human. The little girl said, When I get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah.
The teacher replied, What if Jonah went to Hell?
The girl said: Then you ask him.
Did you know it's impossible to run in a campground?
You can only ran, it's past tents.
What do governments and modern cars have in common?
1. They're full of airbags.
2. They're full of features that nobody wants.
3. They're impossible for the average person to fix.
Why is it impossible for a flat Earther calculate the volume of the Earth?
Because there is always a rounding error.
I went to the doctor today
Looks like you're pregnant, he said. That's impossible, I can't be. You're not. You just look like it.
Even though we live through a pandemic at the moment, it is literally impossible for me to become bedridden!
I just cant afford one.
I read this fascinating book about an immortal dog...
It was impossible to put down.
Someone told me that it's impossible to make a pun about vegetables.
I said that's not nececelery true.
A German woman swore an oath to prepare her large field for planting using only the teachings of Lao-tsu, an ox and a pig. Local farmers call this "impossible".
# Headline:"Frau vows to plow with Tao, cow and sow... somehow."
A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics
His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.
I stayed up all night trying to think of something that would refute his claim, and then it dawned on me.
What's the difference between a starfish and Vladimir Putin?
One is brainless, spineless, and impossible to reason with.
The other one is a starfish.
My uncle, a circus manager, said his local hero and famous Human Cannonball was retiring. I asked him what he was gonna so to replace him.
He said it was Impossible. It's hard to find a man of that caliber.
I got into an argument with my sister the other day. She said it was impossible to make a car out of spaghetti.
You should've seen the look on her face when I drove pasta
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Source: https://jokojokes.com/impossible-jokes.html
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